Free Write - Dumping Thoughts
It was a chilly January night, and I found myself sitting in my vanity, basking in the warmth of the indoor temperature at a comfortable 63 degrees while the outside temperature dropped to a mere 25 degrees. As I sat there, I couldn’t help but wonder if my own plate was too full. Am I capable of achieving the goals I’ve set for myself, or is it my imposter syndrome that’s holding me back, making me doubt my true self?
Do I feel burdened because I often carry this weight alone, or is it simply the weight of life itself? As I approach my 32nd chapter of life, life feels so different from the carefree sixteen-year-old I once was, eagerly anticipating the future. I had imagined adulting to be a fun, adventurous, and financially manageable experience. But now, I find myself questioning my choices and wondering about the meaning of it all. And most importantly, why do I keep spending money or eating it?
Why is it so expensive to indulge in good food? Why does cooking and eating at home feel like a prison when I have all the necessary ingredients to create delicious home meals, but I lack the energy? I don’t despise cooking; I believe it’s an undervalued skill that’s not taught to the youth enough. It’s incredible to be able to cook a meal for yourself and savor the flavors you create.
I’ve been noticing changes in my maturity. What used to serve me now no longer does, and I’m okay with that. I’d like to work on my attachment theory, but with all the mental and intellectual responsibilities I have, something has to passionately wait its turn. I used to believe you could work on many inner issues the same way you could the outer, but that’s incredibly false. When one chooses to work on the inner self, it’s a different journey that we aren’t taught when we’re little. This journey requires a different set of skills that we’re just ambushed into knowing how to use as adults but were never heard of as children. These skills require knowing how to use awareness, discipline, discernment, faith, and unconditional love. They actually help us evolve into the highest version of ourselves. Skills that teach us we are POWERFUL!
I wish I could physically make my own money so I never have to earn it. I love what I do, but I wish I had more flexibility, more PTO, and a little longer break. More than just valuing a decent income, I value how much time I have to live my life outside of my earthly role. Many humans spend the majority of their life at work… I don’t agree with that philosophy. We should spend the majority of our human time experiencing things that will evolve us and have a great impact for humanity, not the greed of the world. Anyhoo!
That’s all the random thoughts I dumped for now… until next time!